Funny Halloween Jokes
Here they are, baby! Truly funny Halloween jokes to bring an extra chipper chuckle to your Halloween rituals. And rightly so! Aren’t mirth, mischief, and mayhem central to this ancient Celtic festival now turned global holiday?
The ancients were more than aware of the soothing capacity humor has, and that powerful antioxidant known as laughter. This is precisely the reason a playful approach lay at the heart of the ancient Samhain rituals.
With the wit of old Ireland in our souls, these pagan symbols from words and joy made we do offer up. Find hereunder Halloween humor for all spirits, served to you ANTIblog style. The first section contains mostly funny Halloween joke puns (monster jokes, pumpkin puns, skeleton jokes and the like). These are all clean Halloween jokes. The rest of these stupendously funny Halloween jokes are not particularly blue, but the final section does lean towards being Halloween jokes for adults. There is a few story jokes down there, too.
Funny Halloween Jokes (clean)
– Did you hear about the magic farm truck?
– It turned into a field
– What does Frankenstein drive?
– Monster truck
– Why do ghosts never know their shoe size?
– Think about it.
– Why couldn’t the ambitious but flaky ghost become some body?
– The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak
– How did the Fijian thank the English ghost?
– Ta, boo
– What did the ghost play with his kid?
– Peek a boo
– Why is Dracula a detective at heart?
– He’ll always look to pull a stakeout
Halloween in Ireland
Invited for a boisterous Halloween in Ireland by his rowdy, fight-prone mates, the combative, clairvoyant ghoul was looking forward to the shindigging.
The odd couple
Bones, who lacked a body, and Merlin, who was so old he needed a stick to help support his, were the only ones who ever worked weekends. Their colleagues nicknamed the duo ‘Skeleton Staff’.
Rapper’s de light
Asked about his reclusive ghost girlfriend, the rap star admitted that while he shielded her from the spotlight, he also enjoyed spending most of his time with her. “Just me and ma boo.”
The h(a)unted woods
Ravaged by ghosts year after year, the trees eventually came to be petrified by Halloween.
It’s Halloween 1962..
– How does the rocking ghoul do his potatoes?
– Monster Mash
– With what does he hit the dance floor afterwards?
– Mostly the Mashed Potato
– With whom does he get down?
– The Boogieman
Ghost the in-laws
Set against her marrying Casper the Unfriendly, her human family made a big hubbyboo. (See the Note at the end.)
– They burst into the gelato place just as they were ordering, barbarically slaying him in cold blood. But which sundae had his wife picked from the menu?
– ‘I Scream Murder’
…turns out he’d been lying all along, hiding his mob connections from her. She was soon seen in the ice cream parlor with a spicy new suitor on her arm. Just desserts?
Long Halloween Jokes
Pumping with excitement, Drakula prepares for the annual Halloween rituals. The highlight on the vamp calendar, he’s been ever so looking forward to the bash. Some My Bloody Valentine for the music, he feels. Helps to set the crime scene. Complimentary copies of Bram Stoker’s Bible stacked on the coffin table.
Wan, twitching vamps start to arrive and around he flies with the Irish appetizers and some very precious contraband. Zip bags of crimson from that last major bank withdrawal, just before the recession hit. Oh, what fun we’ll have!
Oohing and aahing over this year’s weapon of choice, he lays out the food for the Trick or Treaters. He’s heard hazelnuts help your circulation, so they go alongside those bloody fangtastic necktarines he’s picked up.
After a dismal display, Phantoms United were booed off the park.
Their captain Grim Reaper had put in some clinical, scything tackles. And Luciferinho surely has the killer touch, as any marksman should.
But when you can just ghost past the defense so easily.. And your goalkeeper, Titanic, shipping five ghouls like that, it gives you chills.
Plus that was the starting XI! This current squad of Phantoms has a frightening lack of depth..
For history buffs
Lonely in the mountains, the old fur trader was delighted at the chance to cook and get nice and cozy with his ghoulfriend. A cold night lay ahead. He did Rubaboo.
But the mountain air and hearty stew saw her fall into a deep sleep. This meant she had to be put to bed – and that Old Furry must Cariboo by himself.
He wished she hadn’t been such a wolfaboo with the stew, regretted arguing over his obsession fur trading.
“It’s not so humid out anymore, honey. Why don’t you take a somnambulation?”
“I don’t wanna go outside, Mummy!”
“Come dear, it’s not good for you to be so wrapped up in yourself.”
“Please, Mummy, the other youngsters use me as a skipping rope!”
“Sorry, sweetheart. You can’t hide all day in this dusty bedroom of yours, it’s like a tomb in here!”
A shoddy workman
Prone to a lack of precision in the workplace and bouts of depression at home, Ghosty lost his job on the construction site. His spirit level sliding even lower thereafter.
Halloween Horseman has a reputation around the office for wailing his point rather than making it, and ruthless attacks on those who stand in his path. He’ll simply do anything to get a head.
Eat yourself to the bone
So as to keep the angularity of constitution traditional for her ilk, Agnes followed a disciplined diet. Especially when it came to swine – she absolutely never went the whole hag.
Halloween Jokes for Adults
– Just like Santa Claus, Death is always watching you. A true voyeur – the Grim Peeper
– Constantly dreading comeuppance for womanizing in your youth, what do you do when a crowd of vengeful hags call to your door?
– Remind yourself it’s Halloween.
– [Analyst’s comments following Halloween report from congress are picked up by the mic] “These liberal vampires, sucking the lifeblood of the economy. What a pain in the neck.”
Meeting at a conference later in their careers, orthopedist Vlad Dracul and hematologist Patella Skeletor wondered if anyone would really notice if they just switched with each other. A specialist is a specialist, right?
Feared at Specter Boo-tique for his high standards and sharp tongue, Milan’s most fashionable yet forgetful ghost demands of a colleague “What is this sheet?”, damaging esprit de corps.
Eat your heart out
Observing his Chinese neighbor, Drak felt he may have finally found The One. He just loved that ruddy complexion of hers, and her warmhearted nature. In the same vein stood her quick wits, she always had her finger on the pulse. But feeling empty and drained by the world, Drak put off asking her out. “She’d never go for an ancient timer like me.”
He eventually worked himself up to it: faint heart never won fair lady. They hit it off immediately. Her swooning over his mesmerizing charm, he revitalized by her youthful gusto. A full-blooded affair ensued. After a weekend away, spent necking and getting as tight as a tick, he declared “You are the Ying to my Fang”. Before painting the town (and the hotel room) red.
The West is the Best
Just like the Buddha, on seeing Death for the first time, he experienced a deep awakening. Only he happened to be from the most corrupted civilization to ever exist. In that very moment it dawned on him: it was really all so simple, so clear! He saw the path forward. You just had to stay on His good side!
From then on, he would live by the Three Karmic Rules for a Long, Happy and Not Dead Life.
- Never: Mock Death (if you know it’ll get back to Him).
- Sometimes: Give Him major help with the number of house calls He has to make (pursual of military service (overseas), establishment of euthanasia clinics (home), development of lethal viruses and export thereof (home to overseas), etc.).
- Always: Make generous, regular offerings of lesser beings (mosquitoes, cockroaches, the odd golden retriever). Actually, anything you can get away with killing whilst not being killed or incarcerated (both of which will reduce your ability to carry out acts in adherence to Rules 2 and 3, and cloud your judgment as to Rule 1).
Good Will H(a)unting
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Main target audience: (swindling) spirits, sprites and spooks; ghosts, goblins and ghouls.
Secondary target audience: (pilfering) poltergeists, phantoms and presences; nefarious miscellaneous beings of the sprite/imp/evil leprechaun classification or higher [Board of Souls Union Act 1666].
Has the increase in security and criminal detection got you in low spirits? Good Will has all the answers, cheat sheets and lifehack(in)s for you. Forget your centuries of transparent thievery: Upskill now. Your future in financial fraud starts here!
Main target: The elderly or other solvent individuals on the verge of death with no heir apparent.
Secondary target: Anyone not desensitized by the internet age and thus still in possession of (tender) human feelings.
Time: Any time of year! Or that continuous and perpetual period of haymaking we call ‘The Season of Good Will’ (trademark pending).
Note: The original word here – ‘hubbaboo’, also seen as ‘hubbub’/’hub-bub’, meaning a commotion or racket, is likely of Irish origin. Were you to celebrate Halloween in Ireland a couple of thousand years back, the locals may have put on a bit of a show for you during their Samhain rituals. You being a tourist and therefore in search of a bit of shtick.
Working themselves into a battle frenzy, the Irish war cry ababú!, abú! may have sounded out. Had you not displayed an appropriate reaction, your hosts might have taken to hurling a contemptuous ub! ub! your direction, or even openly displayed their disgust: ubh, ubh! …Tutting is for Sassenach, true Irish ubh!
Irish has really contributed some smashing words to the English language – where would be without ‘hooligan’, ‘boycott’, ‘phony’ and even ‘clock’? Nouns ending in ‘-een’ – ‘smithereens’ (seen only in the plural form: get some of that, grammar Nazis!), ‘boreen‘, ‘colleen’, ‘poteen’ – are usually of Irish origin, too. Stemming as they do from the diminutive ending –ín seen in Gaeilge. Hubbaboo entered the English language in the 1500s and its British cognate is likely ‘hooha’.